Now in some ways, the view from the bottom can almost be fun, trying to guess and figure out just what the end will be. I have a tiny obsession (blush) in my interest in Apoli*anne. Are they or are they NOT an item? They are just so darn cute, they should be LOL!! But whether they end up together or not is not significant to my world but I can have fun speculating, right?
But about when that view from the bottom gets messy and hits close to home?
My dear friend, Dottie, was diagnosed with stage 3 ovarian cancer last April. Things looked really good after the first round of treatment last summer. But in the last 2 weeks there has been nothing but bad news. There is no longer talk of curing the cancer but her comfort. She is dying and "I" don't think it is fair. She and her husband have had to have discussions on how and what to tell their two oldest children (13 & 11) when they get home from camp this weekend. Their youngest (age 9 and our goddaughter) is mentally handicapped. She needs her mom. Phil needs his wife. I need my friend.
Our church just hired a new Youth Pastor and he and his wife made the move from the Midwest to CT in June. They also had just found out they were pg shortly after they accepted the position. This was such an neat answer to a lot of prayers. Pastor E & his wife are AWESOME and we had the opportunity to have them to the house when they were candidating. We were so happy to officially welcome them here and see them on a regular basis. Last week they lost the baby. My heart aches for them because I know this was something that they wanted so much and have been waiting for for so long. I remember that pain.
Our dear, sweet Gabe and his precious, STRONG Mama. All that keeps going through my head these past few days is "you've got to be kidding me?!?! What else could possibly keep happening to cause this little boy pain? How many more days of seeing her boy hurt is Michelle going to have to endure? What is the point of all this? I want it to stop. I want to be able to make it stop. From such an early age, this child has just been through things that I could never even begin to imagine and he tackles it like a trouper!! He has had a wonderful teacher and advocates in the form of his parents, especially Michelle. But hasn't he /they had enough?
My mom went in for a CAT scan last week to check for possible masses on her female system. There have been some issues that should have been cleared up and aren't so the docs are checking things out. My head can not even begin to go down that road if the scan comes back showing something. We are still waiting to hear something. I am just glad my sister is in state at this point. God forbid we get bad news, I think it would be even harder if she were still in MI or already out on the field.
OK, so I am seeing a lot of ugly knots and tangled stuff down here, underneath it all. So what do you do when you can't see the top? How do you keep from getting angry and losing hope/heart/faith? What do I say to one of the above people to encourage and support them when I just don't get why it is all happening?
Not being one who believes in coincidences or "by accidents" I was reminded a couple of times this week of who God is through the kids and our Daily Bread readings.
"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in time of trouble. Therefore we will not fear......Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:1-2a, 10a This was from Keys for Kids and the story was called Above the Clouds. A little boy and his gramma were on a plane, in bad weather, the kid just found out his parents were getting divorced. Gramma wisely told him (referring to the weather and life) "We'll go into some of those dark clouds. For a few minutes, we'll be in a thick fog, because that's what clouds are - fog. but just wait until we get above the clouds. You'll see......Above the clouds, the sun is always shining. We are going through a dark cloud right now. Things look pretty bad to us, but remember, God is still in control. Someday we'll break through the clouds, and life will be filled with beauty and happiness again."
These came from ours and it was all about us only having a partial view of the world around us and only seeing a part of the whole.
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
"A man's heart plans his way, but the LORD directs his steps." Proverbs 16:1
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. As the heavens are higher than than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9
These words may make some uncomfortable and maybe even defensive. It is not my intent to offend. I just find great comfort in knowing that I am NOT in control. Is trusting always easy? Unfortunately, no.
Have I questioned God in all of this? Of course. I don't think I would be a normal human being if I did not ask Him "why"? Have I questioned God's wisdom in all of this? Absolutely not. Are my head and my heart always in agreement? No, but that is where I believe faith comes in. I am not saying this so that I can stick my head in the ground and pretend that there is not pain and sorrow around me. Nor am I trying to be "Suzy Christian" spouting pretty platitudes like "just believe" or "keep praying" trying to make everything OK. I am saying that without MY faith in God and my ability to poor out my every feeling and hurt to Him in prayer, I would be a lost mess. I am saying that if I didn't have the "safety net" of prayer, I would be floundering. I NEED to believe in God's wisdom and perfect plan or I would have no hope. Does that make sense? In the middle of all the heartache of my own miscarriage, if I did not have THE Solid Rock to lean on, I would have been farther in the pit of despair than I was. If did not have my ABBA Father to cry out to when my own father left, where I ended up could have been so much different.
I don't know just where I wanted to end up with this. Am I still emotionally saddened and drained from the pain of my friends? Yes, but I know in my heart that God will use each of these things for His wonderful purpose and plan for each one of these dear people and for His honor and glory, as well.
Good night & God bless.
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